Dear Diary~

Kadang2 xtahu kenapa perlu ade blog..nak bcerita kadang2 cam xde idea..tpi sometimes dalam hati ni nak luahkan tapi xtahu ape yang menghalang. nak tulis dalam diary, dah ade..tpi nk gak yg typing type punya, kalo letak dlm words, kalo kne virus xley nk bace2 balik..nk bekap byk2 kang leceh plk..tu psl kot org ade blog..haha

Lately mood cam xbest..after balik dari labuan, aku rase cam jadi org lain..name masih same, org masih same, tpi dalam hati x same lgi. Actually kejadian di Labuan aritu buat hati ni cam xbest..ade ke org yg xselesa ngan keluarga sendiri?pelik tpi benar, tu la yang aku rase sekarang..nape keluarga lain begitu bahagia, sangat memahami dan gembira menghabiskan masa bersama ahli keluarga. Dorang pun xpenah membezakan anak sape, sume anak pun anak dorang gak..bile aku berada di satu2 keluarga di sana, im realize that we lack of something. Before this I just ignored that slackness but those things appeared bluntly which others can see clearly . Is not that I didn't want my family, I love them so much yet something that should be correct from the beginning never been taking care of. They never losing me eventhough I spent most time with our relatives..because here I spent of my time with them. Xpaham and confuse why things should be like that. Kadang2 memang rasa ridiculous bile pikir2 balik..why they behave like a childish. Sometimes rase cm nk jadi jahat, xpeduli ape org pikir, jnji kite buat tok kebahagiaan diri dan org lain..but sometimes bile kite sacrifice something, org cume nmpak yg buruk jer kite buat, tpi di sebaliknya kite buat tu utk kebaikan dorang gak..why??perlu ker kite terangkan ape kite wat, bia nmpak cm baekss sssgt la kite nie?I dont need that. Aku nk buat ssuatu kebaikan bia la xde org tahu, kan x ikhlas jadinyer bile sume kite wat nk kena bgthu org..janji ikhlas di hati, dont u thik so? xpaham sgt why jadi cmni..pening and pressure sgt...rasa cm nak g jauh dari sini, g tempat org xkenal kite and x penah tahu sape kite. Build a new life, sape2 pon xdapat diri ni..kan senang. Kalo la diri ni bley dibahagikan kepada mereka2 yg nk sgt kn bgus, tpi endingnyer wpon sme je kite treat dorg, mst ttap nk lebih n xpuas hati. Am I their properties and not their child? Parent sendiri intense nk buang anaknyer, tpi bile ade famili lain sanggup berebut anak yg di buang ni, mau pulak di tarik balik..tu pun dgn kate2 kurang sedap didengari..tamaknyer perbuatan camtu. If i got the licence someday to get out from there, i will take the chances and never turned back..Im hurt so much now, never know when the inside of me change to something else. I wonder why some people have split identity, now I know why..(!____!)